Yesterday

Yesterday is the way I live.

I can't remember when it stopped being about tomorrow, but I can't seem to let go of all my yesterdays. I can't remember my bosses cell number which i dial on average 5 times a day. But i can remember what you smelt like that day. I can remember what he wore and what she said. It's a disease really. I sometimes even pretend i don't remember so people won't think i'm obsessed, when the truth is that I am. I am merely the sum of my memories. I cannot plan my future, only rehash my past.

I have tried to let go... and its not only the frilly, pretty memories either... i'm haunted by the bad things you did to me. The names they called me, the guilt i felt. If only the Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind was a reality. I'd pay for that. I'd give everything i have...

But then i wouldn't remember the day he was born. The first time he said i love you... and i'm right back where i started. Yesterday.